It really has been a while since the last time I felt inspired to post. I think sometimes it is important to appreciate the "power of pause". To take your time & embrace your environment in order to source energy & inspiration. I believe this has been exactly the case with me & the arrival of my first child, Idris.
Children are a magical event in life. I know it sounds like a commodity or a cliché, but it really is & you cannot relate to this sentence until you become a parent. Your life changes instantly, for the better. Before Idris, my life was full of random events & moments of happiness spread here & there, some business related-some personal. Idris connected all the dots together & made everything clear, showering them with transparency & bringing them to the light.
I found my purpose & my mentor in his existence.
So this post is for him & these are the two things i take away for me everyday i head to work:
When it comes to business, i always was the "Ferrari" of the department. I loved taking on a task, put the right people together fast, deliver results before deadline, come up with the creative idea when everyone was on dead end, roll the ball to make it happen. I loved to do the project journey & take others with me.
But people could not follow sometimes. I was too fast for my own good. You see, everybody works on a different pace, different departments have different agendas & individuals have a different pace & way of thinking. As my mom always said "Common sense is not common". For years i have been struggling on this matter, taking a selfish approach & PoV. "This is business, people need to adapt to the circumstances" i would think.
Idris helped me to appreciate the striking power of "STOP & THINK". Observing any baby you will notice that they never rush. It takes them four months to smile. One year to walk. More than a year to speak & start forming sentences. A baby takes the time to familiarize with the environment & the attendees. Evaluate the area & where to place its next step. Babies are literally the best ones when it comes to "reading the room". They need the time to collect the info, filter the situation, remove the obstacles & overcome challenges.
And then they thrive! They come with a momentum that cannot be stopped, just like when you have taken the time to evaluate all the aspects of a project. They have invested the time to understand the team (parents), established a clear & structured working pattern (baby routine), set priorities for the day (reading, playing, walking) & at the end of the day add a little bit more value to what is called life (achieve a new task, a clap, a hi5 or spell a new word). Yes the pace is still slow, but it has consistency, continuity & productivity you can see & feel.
Idris taught me to take the time to evaluate & filter. To slow down before i jump into actions. To "stop & think" before i act & allocate responsibilities, expectations, deadline. To understand my audience, their needs & their capacity.
Have you ever been in a meeting with a direct report or into a briefing session with colleague, repeating the same sentences over & over again having a big question mark on top of your head, like: "Why the hell doesn't he get it? It is so obvious you must be dummy not to get it! Am i speaking Greek or something? Is anyone home?"
Well that's how a communication with a toddle looks like :-) Especially at the very beginning when you still get to know each other & communication is hard. VERY HARD. The majority of the time you have to guess what he wants - what he really wants - not what he is showing you, you have to deal with emotional explosions to other parts of the team (mommy) & you have to read between the lines in relation to where he stands on this matter or the other one.
Sounds like a day at the office, doesn't it?
Communication with a toddler is actually a great school. In fact, improving my communication skills is the best gift Idris has offered to me. A gift i can take to the office every day.
The first thing i learned is repetition & consistency. If you want people to be engaged and understand, you have to communicate the same message many times. It is important to keep the message clear & short. Make it easy to imprint in peoples minds and be clear about it. Like a toddler learning a new word. No deviation, no different versions of it. Consistency is key. Yes it will take time to make it happen, but once this basic milestone is achieved, you have locked a basic communication code with the team. A base you can build trust & expectations that will make you achieve great results.
Once this is established the second thing i learned (the hard way) is managing emotions in communication. A toddler will be happy with you most of the time & sometimes his emotional intelligence will hit Red Alert. In most cases you don't know why. Maybe something you have done annoyed him to death or even something that is completely irrelevant to you freaks him out.
Sounds like a project/team member you know?
The key here is too remain calm. No matter what happens, no matter how hard the situation seems, it is important to remain calm. You always need to be the grown up, the mature person that keeps it together & set the pace of how the whole thing will go down. The other important bit is to understand the motive of the emotional reaction. This is the hardest one as you need to take the time to understand. Ask the right questions. Sometimes even go to a conflict if it needs to be solved using productive arguments ("wouldn't be better for you if we do this?" "If this is not feeling right the way you approach it maybe try an other way instead"?). Lastly & this is tricky, you need to maintain the balance in the team (family). When emotional explosions happen (toddler/team member) you need to make sure that the strong team member(s) that can move the needle & make the difference in the team is staying motivated with high morale (mommy). You need to take the time & take any input into consideration & act upon it. "You need to protect & nurture the horse (high performer) that will win your race".
I really don't know what i have been doing in my life before i have Idris. He is the best teacher i ever met, sharing with me knowledge everyday with high focus on kindness & fun. I'm grateful for the fact that he is effortlessly showering me with insights without expectations in return.
Thank you Idris. This one is for you.
